**Disclaimer: If you or your partner have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, please clarify all needs before engaging in sexual intercourse. In no way is any place, especially the bedroom, okay to be shamed or ridiculed in. Effective communication is key for a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
We all have preferences when it comes to setting the mood in the bedroom. And while I’m not one to challenge how anyone gets down, there’s a need to examine whether certain habits can be considered as off-putting. When that special time comes, whether it’s your first time or fiftieth, the last thing you want is to allow a need for control to ruin the sexual chemistry. Let’s take a moment to figure out some ways to curb any tendencies that may pose an issue when making the love.
Hangup #1: If you insist on showering and brushing your teeth prior to every sexual encounter, that may be a bit much to get past. We all like to be fresh before slipping between the sheets. But when the mood hits, there’s no guarantee that your partner will still be hot and ready once you emerge from the bathroom raring to go. Hell, if they’re anything like me, they may be already dozing off.
Hangup #2: If you demand that your partner brushes their teeth and gargles before kissing or pleasuring you orally, it can not only be a buzzkill, but downright offensive. Outside of having an everything bagel with garlic spread for breakfast, you may need to get past the oral fixation or the fact that your partner doesn’t have minty-fresh breath. However, #mood. So, if it really is a dealbreaker for you, consider explaining your preference before initiating foreplay to avoid throwing a wet blanket on a moment of passion.
Hangup #3: If you are unwilling to kiss toes or “other places” unless your partner is freshly showered, that may be a no-go on the path to the big “O”. Sis. Really. Unless your lover is sounding off funk alarms when they walk through the door, take this as an opportunity to appreciate their natural smell. Take in the smell of their deodorant, lotion, and hair products, maybe even the faint hint of perspiration on their skin. But if the thought of doing so makes you gag, gently suggesting a joint shower before getting down to business should do the trick.
Hangup #4: If you insist on the same positions and are not open to trying new ones, that can incite a lack of interest on your partner’s behalf. Variety is the spice of life and there’s nothing like a spicy love life. What’s a little discomfort or torn ligaments between lovers? But, jokes aside, if it’s physically painful for you to do much other than missionary, side action, cowgirl and few other traditional positions, be sure to explain that to your lover. There are plenty of other ways to introduce variety into your encounter: toys, role play – the sky’s the limit.
Hangup #5: If you are not willing to be spontaneous, and are never down for the get down when the mood hits, it can be problematic for your partner’s satisfaction with your sexual relationship. Sometimes those leggings fit you a little differently or those pheromones are poppin’ and your lover is primed and ready at first sight. If their desire is constantly met with rejection, it can easily deflate their ego. Not every time is the right time, but keep in mind that the problem isn’t doing the act, it’s often starting the act. So if you’re not in the mood, consider being persuaded. If not, be sure to let them know if not now, when it can go down.
Hangup #6: If you insist on scheduling sex, good for you. No, seriously. I commend you for scheduling intimacy to ensure it happens in your relationship. Many couples lack enough awareness of sexual regularity to set time aside for intimacy and that takes genuine effort. However (comma) just because it’s on the schedule doesn’t mean that’s the only time it can occur. Being open to having sex when the mood hits is a big part of sustaining the passion in yoru relationship. Remember that.
Hangup #7: If you are afraid of messing up your hair…sis. I know, I know. I’m familiar with the struggle of getting it to lay just right, spending hours in the beauty salon, you have somewhere to go in the morning. I get it. But if you’re looking beautiful enough to be ravaged by your significant other, consider finding a way to make it happen in a way that pleases all parties. That’s what kamasutra is for. There’s 64 positions. Pick one.
Hangup #8: You’re stressed about getting pregnant, not reaching climax, whether you left your curling iron on, (insert concern here). As much as we may want to, it’s impossible to turn our minds off during sex. So I’m not going to try to convince you to let it go and enjoy the ride. Life can get real and it doesn’t stop just because we choose to be intimate. But what I will suggest is taking a few deep breaths before getting into it. During foreplay, close your eyes and try your best to get into it. Play some music, talk dirty, role play. Do whatever you must to experience the seconds, the minutes, the hours. Believe me, your worries will be right there when you’re done. But at least you’ll be a lot less uptight when it’s over.
Hopefully, you’ve learned some ways to loosen up when approaching intimacy with your partner. The bedroom is not the place for hang-ups. Instead, allow yourself to be keyed up, knocked up, tied up – hey, whatever’s clever.
