7 Personal Intimacy Tips for Rekindling Self-Love

Self-reflection and the pursuit of personal growth is a privilege that is often neglected. Let's change that today.

Listening to: Amazing by Mary J. Blige

We are often our own toughest critics. No matter how much praise we get for our daily accomplishments, we tend to focus on the criticism we receive instead. If, like me, you’re guilty of this behavior, welcome to the human species, friend. I’m not a fan of self-criticism and or down talk ourselves, and we may try to derail that self-degrading train of thought each time we hear it barreling down the track. But mastering the art of redirecting critical thoughts about ourselves takes practice. It also takes dedication and persistence. 

I want to you to ask yourself, when was the last time I tried to get to know myself better on an intimate and emotional level? When I use the phrase intimate, I’m not talking about physical intimacy. I’m referring to building and sustaining self-love, self-confidence, and self-respect. Why are these components essential when getting to know yourself better? Think of it this way. Say you meet someone who you find amazing. They’re attractive, intelligent, caring, and devoted to you. You love everything about them – even their quirky flaws. But every time you try to let them know how much you adore them, they reject your compliments or choose to self-deprecate.

This can sound like:

You: Hey, babe. You’re rocking that tee.

Him (rubbing his stomach self-consciously): Naw, I really need to lose more weight. I look a mess.

Vibe killer, right? Here you are truly paying him a compliment and he’s so focused on what he finds negative about himself, he can’t even hear you, let alone receive it. This can be discouraging for you and it can also make you hesitant to pay him another compliment down the road.

My point is, if we don’t learn to love ourselves first, our loved ones who are head over heels with us, just as we are can feel rejected when we don’t accept their expressions of love and appreciation. It’s important to have enough confidence to know what we really want so we can have the relationships we really want. Remember that self-love includes having an appreciation for our authentic selves, not who we could or should be.

Let’s explore some simple ways to cultivate and deepen self-awareness and better meet your personal needs.

  1. Check-in with yourself daily. At the beginning of each day, before you even open your eyes, spend some time with yourself. Take a few moments to gauge your mental health, emotional health, and self-satisfaction. Are you okay? How do you feel about your life? What are you most grateful for today and what are you most looking forward to? Which would you like to see more of in your life?
  2. Accept who you are today. There’s nothing wrong with having the potential to be greater, sis. It is critical to strive for new goals and soar toward new heights. But focusing on where you are today: what you’ve accomplished, how far you’ve come, and how you’ve persevered, will heighten your state of mind. Concentrate on what you have to offer right now and how it compares to last year or last month. Eradicate self-judgment and negative self-talk whenever possible by reciting healthy mantras. “I am enough.” “I am bold.” “I am becoming.”
  3. Validate yourself daily. The only approval that matters is your own. Many choose to share opinions on the issues, people, and events involved in your life. But no opinion matters more than your own. All that’s left at the end of each day is you and that little voice in your head. So, make sure it’s armed to pour life into you, empower you, and acknowledge all that you are.
  4. Learn to fully trust yourself. You were given the gifts of instinct and wisdom for a reason. Throughout this life, we learn things that add a jewel to our crowns and give us the power to discern what’s best for us on a daily basis. Trust what your gut tells you and get in tune with your inner voice. There’s a lesson in each mistake, a reward for each risk, and a chance to grow at every turn. You will never lead you wrong.
  5. Learn to truly love yourself. Society and social media can create pressure on us to flaunt our outward appearances and possessions. But what about who we are on the inside; the part that makes us most unique, loved, and respected? Take time to reflect on who you are. Learn to embrace each flaw and quirk. Fall in love with you again.
  6. Be intentional about rekindling your self-passion.  Make it a habit to revitalize your passion for self. Whether it’s your gift of entrepreneurship, motherhood, or the wisdom you’ve gained along the journey of life, get excited about what drives you to be the phenomenal woman you are. If you feel most alive while around others, find a like-minded tribe. Volunteer to mentor someone on a topic, skill, or activity that you love. How you find your purpose and satisfaction is up to you, but prioritize feeding your passion every single day.
  7. Set regular goals for personal advancement. It can be easy to work long hours without the proper boundaries in place. This can leave you with little time for hobbies or spending the remainder of the day doing what makes you happy. I’m here to tell you, that cannot happen without your permission. What’s something you want to manifest in your life today? Starting a side hustle? Learning a new language? Writing a book? Whatever it is, grab a new planner, create a vision board, and hop on YouTube to start the planning process.

Now’s the time to discover the things you love and want more of in your life. It’s great to work and play, but remember to carve out time to stop and think about what you want to learn about yourself. You could spend the rest of your life trying to unravel your own intricate layers and you’d still be surprised at how amazing you are.

What can you do today to show yourself some love?

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