This won’t be a popular post, but it’s one I had to write. Someone really needs to read this.
Do you feel that? The distance between you. It’s growing more and more each day. You think he doesn’t notice. But he does.
He may be in love with you, but he’s not blind, Sis.
Before you let the complacency sink in any further, I’m here to tell you. Tell him.
Let’s go back to the reason why you’ve chosen to keep this from him in the first place.
It would be naive of me to believe that you know everything about him and he should know every single thing about you. You have an inner self that’s only for you. And you don’t have to share that part of yourself with anyone else.
Secrets are pretty common in relationships. But when it comes to major secrets – mind-blowing, world-rocking secrets – we’re not playing on the same court. Fact is, twenty percent of married couples have one major secret between them. A secret that, if known, would shift the whole narrative of their union. Now, that’s critical.
When it comes to harboring harmful secrets in your relationship, there’s plenty at stake. You’re playing Russian roulette with your relationship every day. One Freudian slip and it can all go up in flames.
Here’s what holding on to serious secrets does to you:
- Causes you to become increasingly distrustful of your partner
- Stifles your emotional intimacy and connection with your partner|
- Starts an unhealthy pattern of lying and going to extremes to cover it up
- Makes the offense seem more extreme as time goes on
- Causes stress, shame, guilt, and anxiety to fester
- Causes you to never feel fully comfortable with your partner
- Causes constant suspense of being found out
Booooo to these consequences! Who has time for that? How can you enjoy being with him if you’re constantly looking over your shoulder?
Now that you’re aware of what you’re doing to yourself, ask yourself the following questions.
What am I afraid of?
Am I fearful of being vulnerable?
Do I fear judgment from him?
Do I believe he’ll reject me?
Am I afraid of abandonment?
Is there a stigma affiliated with my secret that’s causing me too much shame and guilt to discuss it?
Could it happen again?
Maybe it was concerning something that he considered a relationship dealbreaker and you were afraid to speak up about it back then. Now that more time has passed, you feel like it’s too late to ‘fess up.
But what if telling him about it doesn’t even have the consequences you think it will?
What if all the resistance you’re feeling is just your fear and insecurities talking?
Every day is a new opportunity to sit him down and clear the air. To get some relief and maybe even some support for what you’ve been struggling with alone.
Whether it’s infidelity, money problems, lying about your past, or drug addiction – it doesn’t matter. Nine times out of ten, it’s not about the mistake, it’s about the hurt you’ve caused him each time you’ve lied about the mistake.
It’s time to stop this toxic cycle, Sis. Ultimately, if it ends up being something he can’t handle, you should love him enough to let him decide to stay in the relationship for himself.
Be brave. You can do this.
Side note: As I was finishing this, “Secret” by Madonna played from a playlist of over 80 songs. **Siri be listenin…and watchin 👀**