As the first chill of early autumn ushers out the Indian summer’s warmth, we’re well aware of what’s in store for some of us. Like an oncoming rainstorm, you can almost feel the harmonious unisex mindset shift from being single, sexy, and summatime fine to seeking a short-term booed-up status descending around you. The fireplace is stoked and the down comforters have been pulled out, along with those trusty old black books. Yuh, cuffing season has rolled around.
First off, sis, know that I’m never ever judging you for doing anything that suits your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Especially if cuffing is only a physical means to an end for you. Hell, here’s a virtual fist bump 👊🏽 because Lord knows that chill is mean out there in those single streets, so pop that parka collar (or something else on a handstand 🤸🏽♀️😜) with your bad self. This here post ain’t for you. I wrote this specifically for those (like me) who struggle with removing emotional ties from ongoing casual sex. I just want you to be clear on the advantages and disadvantages of ongoing cuffing arrangements.
When he rings your line after months of radio silence and is unapologetically back like he never left, you have a critical choice to make. To do so, you should be clear on one thing. Are you simply a convenient, old-faithful cure for wintertime loneliness for him? While he could have reached out to anyone else (and possibly has beforehand), he still had his eyes on you. As flattering and exciting as it can feel to hear from him, there’s still an important question to ask yourself. Why me? Why, year over year, do we fall back into this unsatisfying cycle? Do yourself a favor and think about your last conversation with him. Really, pull up the texts because I know you held on to those receipts. I’ll wait. How did the convo end? Respectfully or abruptly? With a solid explanation or with tired excuses? With unanswered texts and lingering questions or a mutual agreement?
Here are a few words to the wise:
“Beware of his sweet nothings whispers, promises, and plastic vulnerability…”
- Beware of soul ties
- Protect your body and your heart
It’s time to check in with yourself and ask:
- Is he blocking me from a potential forever boo who will hold me down for all seasons?
- Is he respecting my mind and emotions while enjoying my body?
- Most importantly, how do I feel when it’s all over?
I’d like you to sit down for a moment and take inventory of what you really want for yourself. What do you have in mind for yourself over the next 6-12 months? Does this time period include a career change? A business launch? Learning a new language? Relocation? Whatever it is, remember that tying up your energy with someone who views occupying your time and attention as a temporary filler in their life only serves as an obstacle to achieving the things that really matter to you. If you can’t see them sitting in the front row of your life, applauding your accomplishments and cheering you on, how deserving are they of your physical and emotional energy?
If after careful evaluation, you’re still good with your situation, then I fully support your happiness, Sis. Honestly. I just hope you enjoy passing time with him now – until the lazy days of summer roll around again and the only reply you’ll receive is New phone, who dis?